because I am a proud mocker

to be mocked. And because I'm just another person, but I certainly don't act like it.

Yes, I am indeed a creation of God, and yes, there isn't another Christina Jina Lee out there quite like me. Yes, I am one of a kind, and yes, I have the potential to be somewhat influential in the lives of those around me.

But...

No, I am not any better than the people I surround myself with, and no, that doesn't necessarily make me worse than those people. No, it's not true that I am irreplaceable, and no, nobody really needs me.

I s'pose it all boils down to something I lack and too often forget to strive for--humility. Sometimes I feel like all of our sin issues can simply be attributed back to pride and being self centered.

My dad is a prime example of one who is extremely humble. At first glance it may appear that he's a pushover, that he's soft spoken and that he's naive and too trusting. But in reality, behind that veneer of apparent weakness is a solid character built upon a foundation of all that goodness listed in Galatians 5:22-23. He is loving, joyful, patient, kind, and faithful. He exudes peace and also acts as a peacemaker, and makes sure to be self-controlled in the way he goes about dealing with conflicts and emotions. He is gentle but confident, knowing that he doesn't have to fight to prove himself or his opinions at every challenge.

I, on the other hand...

...let's just say that I lack. Period.

I've commented in the past that so-and-so needs to toppled off his/her pedestal, implying that whoever it was needed to be humbled and to acknowledge the fact that (s)he really isn't as great as (s)he believes him/herself to be. And yet...

...here I am, standing atop my pedestal, head held high by a false sense of self-confidence and back straightened by self-centered pride.

I think it's about time someone knocked me down and gave me a reality check.

So what now? Now that I know I've been pushed to the ground, do I scramble back up to reach that pedestal again? Do I dust myself off and pretend like nothing's happened, assuming that same haughty posture once again? Do I wallow in self-pity for a couple of days, then let myself be satisfied that I've at least identified this problem?

It's one thing to realize my flaws...

...it's another to do something about it.

I can't really say that I can identify any simple solutions to this issue. It's really a matter of having an extreme attitude makeover--and any kind of extreme makeover is always tough and trying.

Like clay in the hands of a potter, so I am in the hands of God.

Cast me not away from Thy presence, oh Lord

Take not Thy Holy Spirit from me

Restore unto me the joy of Thy salvation

And renew a right spirit within me